In the modern world, paying your dowry actually does not mean that you are married. Once you pay your dowry, you are than expected to have a “white wedding”—which can be quite costly (already in debt). If the people (modern day elders) know this fact to be true, why do they continue to encourage it? Ideologies, greed?
A human being cannot and should not be priced, yet parents/relatives are so hooked and focused on bridal price. Dear reader, a price is from the supply and demand business model—a price therefore makes a woman a commodity. Parents/relatives should be very happy when their daughters or sons freely fall in love with someone whom they know is suitable and compatible with them. Hence, instead of focusing on the dowry and bridal price, focus on what the man has to offer the family as means of appreciation. Appreciation makes the women priceless and a valued human being created by God and unique to God.
The dowry system today has become a huge priority that the men are not even considered during the process—they are only expected to write that cheque.
Cultures change right? well if a culture does not change, than I would appreciate this dowry culture to changed—young people can not simply cope with stress that can easily be illuminated. Hence, if the dowry culture does not change, than a refund policy should be implemented to ensure the person has not been robbed. Taking this into consideration, divorce rates globally continue to spike, this refund policy is necessary, otherwise this dowry system is just as foolish as this refund policy may sound.
I am not asking people to leave their identity behind, culture is very important as it gives ones identity. However, modifications are required— breaking up with someone you love should not be an option because of a system (dowry) that has lost its intended meaning in this modern world.
Relationships/Marriage is a beautiful thing—it is something everyone should be able to freely experience and enjoy. It is time for families to use the dowry system as means to express appreciation (original intention), instead of it being used for transactional purposes.
Overall to answer the question, “do I break up with the one I love if I cannot afford dowry”? I would say yes to that on the grounds that the dowry price is higher than $20,000. Some of you may be thinking $20,000 is still a lot of money, yes, I agree, but if you must know that price has become the norm for the Sudanese people (I know some people are due to pay even more than $50,000).
If you totally agree that $20,000 is too much, than I suggest you break up with your girl as you will not get very far in your relationship without dowry settlement.
I know love makes individuals do ridiculous things so best of luck with your decision!!
My name is Dawoud Kodi, born in Sudan but Australian raised.
I have been a relationship with the sample girl for eight years and I simply enjoy blogging on relationships.